Once, twice…three times a poo blog

O sweet, smelly comrade of mine, ‘t has been long since we have conversed. For I have thought not of your sacred splendor in o so much time, and the way you simmer in my bowels waiting for my proclamation to the world of our true romance – O how I love to dump!

And nothing beats an airport dump – nothing!

It is not uncommon for us to see an airport dump as poo quite literally hitting the fan, however, how commonly does one truly visualize the sensual repercussions of such an occurrence? I speak of that speckled splatter of brown splendor being spewed in every direction, that glorious majesty of odorous weight being evacuated from your premises, that thunderous rocket of chocolate goodness blasting off in a way Armstrong couldn’t ever conceive – “one step for man, one giant leap for colons everywhere.”

For at an airport, one does not simply flirt with a casual excretion. Oh hells to the no - airport poos are everything one could ever want from an international journey and more. When you ‘go’ in the airport, you NEED to go! And what better love letter to one’s black hole than the cosmic excavations one endures to cleanse their colonic pallets at the explosive limits of their capacity. In other words, pooing when one is ‘bursting’ is akin to reading Shakespeare when one feels poetic – it is the epitome of that expression, just like pooing is the epitome of living. Why visit the pyramids when one can see the 8th wonder of the world poking its little face right out of one's toilet bowl everyday?

Now no poo blog is complete without the awkward transition to poignant life lessons derived from one’s stool:-

1. Although ‘going’ in public places may not be everyone’s ideal cup of tea, access to clean toilets when we really need to go is an unbelievable luxury we rarely think about. BILLIONS do not have this luxury.
2. Poo keeps us alive! If someone gave you a miracle drug that helped save your life, would you not cherish this medicine and its giver innumerately? So why then would we not cherish each plop, and frame its remnants for the immaculate work it does in purifying our bodies of harmful waste toxins?
3. Pooing brings people together. It’s something that every human being shares regardless of gender, religion, creed, politics etc. You poo. I poo. Trump poos. We all need to poo, and what better symbol of unity than a solid, healthy, phallic poop. So next time you meet a stranger and you’re struggling for small talk, why speak about the weather when you can bond over your bowel movements!

That’s it from me.  Until the next time I have my laptop in the toilet. Cheerio for now, and catch up on more faecal talk in poo blog 1 and poo blog 2.